just go with it

but if you asked me if I loved him

inexperience comes naturally — Tue, 11 May 2010 22:53:19 +0000

I don’t think that passenger seat has ever looked this good to me
he tells me about his night and I count the colors in his eyes
never fall in love he swears as he runs his fingers through his hair
I’m laughing ’cause I hope he’s wrong
and I don’t think it ever crossed his mind, he tells a joke I fake a smile
that I know all his favorite songs
I do love him. I explain to my friends every day that I’m not in love with him. in 3 years, I doubt I will even remember his name. but constantly thinking about him makes doing anything impossible. we pretend we’re bffs and all, and he always doubts that I’m his friend. I used to be such a bitch to him but I didn’t actually mean it. I just didn’t want anyone to know.
ugh. this is stupid. I’m stupid. ashgadkjfhgakdljh go away stupid crush.

thunderstorms make my dog insist on sleeping on my bed

inexperience comes naturally — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 02:26:38 +0000

with you I’d dance, in a storm in my best dress fearless
I seriously would. I think about him whenever it rains or I’m cooking. it’s pouring and I all I want to do is run the mile and a half to his house and throw rocks at his window until he wakes up and comes out and tells me everything will work out and kisses me and …. can’t my life be that kind of teenage movie? instead of the one where I’m a lonely has been hot girl who now eats her feelings and is bridget jones, complete with the 140 number on the scale? a girl can dream. no more peanut m&ms and swedish fish. no more carbs. vegetables and protein for moi.
so, you know that guy I’m slightly obsessed with? I always promise myself to stay away and stop flirting with him, but he always talks to me and I always talk back and we know each other so well. telepathic connection, I’m telling you. not even kidding. he told me that no guy at school is good enough for me today. which is kind of true, but then I couldn’t help but think, you are too good for me. I’m gonna miss him next year. the way he flips his hair. the way he sticks his toungue out at me. the way my stomach literally flip flops when he laughs at me.
I love him. I’m not yet in love with him. stay golden, dude, and never settle for less than the best.
but dude, stop calling me babe. we’re not to that stage where you can be my gay bff who is not actually gay. we’re still just friends. and I’m still in like with you despite the fact that you are with the girl you gave your virginity to, you little whore. jaykay. you lost yours, want mine?
god, I’m a slut now.
I should sleep. I get depressed really easily these days, my therapist says it’s because I don’t get enough sleep. sweet dreams

oh, sophomore dance.

inexperience comes naturally — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 22:43:20 +0000

so, the big dance is coming up and everyone is pairing up all over the place. it’s kind of rediculous, but now that my two best friends have dates and my back up best friends have dates, I’m feeling the pressure. I can’t go and hang out with my friends anymore unless we all have dates. so they’ve been looking up and down for dates for me, and I feel really desperate and just undate-able. which is sucky and depressing and the fact that they think I’m rediculous for not settling for someone is just awful.
but hah. as of now, I found out that the guys that were going to ask me that they’ve been advocating all week were betting on who could take me and planning to all play me at the same time. so now I just feel awful, like I’ve done something to deserve it even though I can’t think of anything. life sucks right now. and the fact that no one understands or can sympathize is just annoying. and everyone will just tell me to get over it, but it’s hard to when you spent the last week convincing yourself to go out with someone, even for 2 hours, and to then find out that no, they were just playing you for money. not kidding. $70>being nice. wow. fml so much right now.

500 days of…..

inexperience comes naturally — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 23:48:11 +0000

summer. favorite season+happy endings in movies=maybe I am capable of sanity. plus zooey deschanel is what I will be when I grow up. even if it means dying/straightening my hair and only wearing blue. she’s the definition of adorable.
glee is on tonight.
and bones is on thursday.
and I get to go shopping on saturday for a dress for sophomore ball. that is, if I find a date by then. oh dearie.

holy crap.

inexperience comes naturally — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 23:40:29 +0000

it’s hard to get over someone when they’re all you can think about, quite literally, you have to see them every day for 6 hours, the you know you don’t actually deserve them. and you have to watch them get on with their perfect life. in other words, I hate myself as much as I do the situation.
and I just ate an entire chocolate bunny that was in my easter basket. wtf. but it made me feel slightly better. oh, chocolate. screw lent.
I haven’t started my homework, as a sidenote. fml.

oh my life.

inexperience comes naturally — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 22:44:31 +0000

I think I just realized that I’m legitimately in love. With someone who I can never have and never have really had. And he can’t know because he’s dating a really cool girl and she is better for him than I will ever be. And my friends, who are supposed to be all supportive and reassuring that I will get over it just agree that I can’t tell him. Ever. But I’ve never been able to get over someone completely without liking someone else. And I haven’t seriously liked anyone else for like, a year. Not joking. I’m literally diagnosably insane.

I just want to grow up.

inexperience comes naturally — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:45:19 +0000

high school is way to freaking long already. can’t I just grow up and be in college and lose all the immature babbling? k cool.
I really just need a year off. I feel like I need to do something with my life, other than laze around and do homework and hang out with my friends. I’m wasting time when I have the qualifications to help people out in haiti, yet I’m stuck here doing nothing important. it sucks.

oh snow. just go away.

inexperience comes naturally — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 20:22:01 +0000

so, 2 feet on friday night, 2 on tuesday, I get a week off of school. yayyyyyy. but the boredom and procrastination is getting redonk. I caught up on ALL my tv shows, and now have nothing to watch. I did most of my homework. and I have nothing else to do. and it sucks. but I can go see my friends, so it’s all good.

Valentine’s Day was the best/worst movie ever. good chick flick, bad movie. basically Love Actually with Americans, who are of course stupider and fatter. just kidding. about the fat part.

I hung out with liz and rachel and paul and his friend amy on friday, which was cool and all. but once rachel left, amy and paul started flirting like crazy and amy became a TOTAL BIOTCH. like, I’m not even kidding, she was nice, and she goes to the quaker school I shadowed at and she was all bubbly and “you should come here! it would be so cool!” one minute, and the next, she was a competetive crazy pain in the arse. well, we were playing trivial pursuit, but whatever. I still have hope for finding friends there. she had a kick ass vintage sweater.

I’m so mad, because I broke my november-march shaving hiatus for squash practice last week, and it was cancelled. stupid snow. go die.

this week was sooooo fattening. because when I’m bored, I bake. and then I eat. everything. and we had whipped cream, which is really good on yogurt and coold french toast btw. I need to seriously diet or something. I’m going to Costa Rica in 6 weeks, and I have a baby bump and my thighs touch. did I mention it’s winter? which means I really can’t stop eating since I’m cold? oh yeah. well that too. I’m going for a run. ajghajkdfghadkjghdkfjghad

but first I will eat lunch and make a new running playlist. and listen to old episodes of Smart Mouths.

I’m hopeless, right?

hahahahaha fail. at not looking disgusted when liz and cam get all pda at school. but liz, oh dear. I think she can tell I was a little ticked off at them and a little a lot hurt by it all, because she always hugs me out of the blue and is like, “oh gracie, you’re my favorite friend.” thanks liz, but I’m still kind of pissed that you are all over the guy you were willing to dump your bff for. or maybe she just does it to try to make me stay at ANS. not really doing it, but I love her all the same.

prepsters anonymous

inexperience comes naturally — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:02:42 +0000

I am really too preppy. School is just so slow and dull. It’s like starting on Monday, I go into a trance and don’t leave it until Friday afternoon. Not even music, or TV, or my friends can get me out of it. Which means I really live for only two and a half days per week. This is NOT a sustainable existence. This is redonk. and I lost a pearl earring today, so the whole prepster thing is off right now, thank god. I think I took it a little too far.

So I shadowed at another school on Friday, and it was okay. The classes were easy as ever, and my shadow person was nice and all. Her best guy friend/would be gay bff except he’s straight flirted with me in like half the classes, which was a nice distraction. He tried to get me to join Mock Trial, which I wanted to do at my current school, but if I switch I most definitely will. god, I’m such a ditzy whore sometimes. This needs to stop.

oh juniors

inexperience comes naturally — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 23:21:24 +0000

Today we had off of school but I had a meeting there anyways s I had to go. meh. we were supposed to make these notebooks and one kid wanted to heckle me while I was cutting paper, and we had a fake bitchfight because we don’t really know each other that well. I love people like that who just roll with it. I think we’ll be friends. we better, since we’re spending spring break in a jungle together.

I had to go to the gynecologist today. nooooo comment. I never understand what they mean when they ask you if you are sexually active. like, what? does that mean you have had sex? or are regularly hooking up with people? and how do you answer that? because life is so complicated and confusing and I have no idea what qualifies. not that I’m sleeping around or anything. but doctors should tell you very explicitly what they want to know, because otherwise I will not tell you what you need to know in the end, and I could like, die or something.

it’s a friday night, I’m going out to dinner with my parents. fml.

but it’s okay. I spent most of the day sleeping and watching beauty and the geek. I have no life. but I’m visiting two schools next week so I’m pretty psyched. I get to get out of school. yay. I’m just so tired of everyone.

I GET TO DRIVE ON ROADS NOW. it’s pretty bangin.